by Steve Cook
Like most everyone else, I live in multiple worlds ranging from corporate America to youth sports, small business and family fun. I enjoy reacting to what I see in the world and discussing. Alright, I will admit that in some circles my form of discussion might be more closely categorized as debate but not argument. What I won’t give in to is my opinions being anything more than that, my opinions.
When the circles of life intersect with common threads, I usually think it deserves a comment, a discussion, or in this case a blog. I recently saw an incident on TV from a junior college baseball game.
A pitcher after giving up a home run with two men on base paced around while the hitter circled the bases. Then just as the runner passed third base, the pitcher, in an all-out sprint, tackled the hitter. I don’t know what if anything was said after the hit and I won’t make moral judgement on any individual, but I feel like inability to handle a defeat is becoming more and more prevalent. Our focus should be on how we learn and react from failure or loss.
I will put part of the blame for what I consider uncivilized actions and reactions on a culture that attempts to remove losing from our daily lives. I have seen this problem manifest itself in many ways recently. First, while organizing our local little league tryouts, I was reprimanded for using the term 'tryouts' instead of 'assessments', because I was told 'tryouts' insinuates winners and losers. I think I knew that. We’re not even in a game yet and we have a problem with losing.
The thought about the need to lose came up twice in books that I was reading. First in a book called The Death of Dodgeball - The beginning of the end to America’s greatness. It is a fascinating book written by a physical education teacher from New York that explains the stealing of one of the greatest childhood games of all time.
Dodgeball, when it was a mainstay in gym class around the country, provided every child (except one) in every class the opportunity to lose. Yes, I believe it was an OPPORTUNITY to lose and learn all at the same time. Handling loss or defeat is the foundation of growth and improvement.
Another low point in our culture occurred at the Academy Awards when Will Smith walked on stage and slapped a comedian (Chris Rock) for making a joke that he found offensive, and I might add that most others in the auditorium found funny. We have an entire industry around comedy that exists on the strength of laughing at each other. By the way, Smith, the one doing the slapping is by trade, a comedian. I wonder if he remembers when his character on Fresh Prince made fun of Uncle Phil or Carlton.
Again, if being made fun of is losing and our ability to deal with it is winning, then we can all use a little more teasing. Of course, this comes from me, a serial teaser, who will trade almost anything for a laugh.
The idea of valuing losing came up again as I was reading the book Zero to One by Peter Theil, the founder of PayPal. In the book he chronicles many of the economic swings and busts and booms in the market. One of his points was the strong likelihood of a business failure being the key to business success and long-term business dominance. He spends significant time talking about the many Steve Jobs failures before he connects him to some of the best innovations of all time. All the greats from Jack Welch blowing up a GE Factory to becoming the renowned and iconic CEO; to Michael Jordan being cut from his high school basketball team and becoming arguably the G.O.A.T of basketball, maintain that early failure was instrumental to later success.
Learning to lose may be the most important part of children’s sports. Many years ago, as a child I participated in many sports, none of which I was the dominant player or performer. Due to my lack of physical ability, I learned that I could make my way to acceptance by being a harder worker, a funnier teammate, or the most responsible leader. I have heard and understand the comment, “Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser”, but I think it is only applicable in the short range. My many losses as a child set me up perfectly for long term business success. I’m not saying that anyone should lose the zest for winning, but show me a good loser and I’ll show you a future leader. Some of the examples above were reflection of inability to lose gracefully or learn from the loss.
I think Michael Jordan said it best:
“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Win or lose, make it count.
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