by Bruce Cook
Simon Sinek is one of my favourites. His answer to the 'Millenials question' was an instrumental tool in the upbringing of my children and A Bit Of Optimism remains one of my favourite podcasts. However, his legendary status can mostly be attributed to his Golden Circle Ted Talk and the concept of 'Start with Why'.
If you're not familiar with Start with Why (the book or the concept), Simon explains that a major key to the success of great leaders and companies is that they don't focus on communicating WHAT they do or HOW they do it, they rather start with selling you on WHY. Once you buy into the WHY - the purpose - the HOW and the WHAT are then easy/obvious follow-ons. It works for the military, it works for politicians and it works for Apple... which is probably why I'm typing this on an iMac.
As great as Simon's version is, my brain has been using 'start with why' in a different way lately, and I think this 'v2' is even more powerful (and important) in today's society. Thanks in part to social media, web algorithms, and the presence of a large number very serious but very 'grey' social and societal issues, the world/nations/communities/families are now more divided than ever. Most of us can't get through a day without encountering an opinion from a friend or stranger that makes our jaws drop, our heads shake, and our expletives skyrocket.
In these cases, where it would be very natural and understandable to react with an incredulous response, I'm suggesting we do something else first. I'm suggesting we start with WHY. Before deciding that your friend or the van driver or the tweeter or the politician or the activist or the business leader is wrong or idiotic, first ask yourself WHY they might have done what they did, or thought what they thought or said what they said.
Believe it or not, people don't consciously choose to be idiots or assholes. Our thoughts and actions are determined by the brains we're born with and the experiences we've had. Nothing more... and both of these are largely beyond our control. People think and say what they do for a reason. They don't wake up one day and say "I know this is wrong, but I think I'll just be a dick today and say this." Nobody does that. Well, almost nobody.
People have beliefs because they believe them, and something made them think that way. So if you really want to put the world right - whether by changing the minds or actions of the idiots or by simply improving your own perspective, I implore you to START WITH WHY. Be respectfully inquisitive in trying to first find out WHY that person said what they said - no matter what you think of them. Maybe they misspoke, or maybe they are working with incomplete data, or maybe they've had a traumatic personal experience that is skewing their view, or maybe they actually have more/better info than you. Imagine that! What if they're right!?
Whatever the reason, you'll always be in a better position if you first understand WHY someone has a different opinion than you.
Do you agree...or do you want to know why I feel this way?
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